The boy summed it up quite painfully succinctly:

If you feel there is no reason that you would need or want a grad degree to do what you want to do, and if being in grad school is preventing you from doing what you want, then don’t make yourself miserable.

But you do have a great opportunity here, so don’t abandon it lightly.

A lot of thoughts have been weighing heavy on my heart the past week.  The retreat program that I’m involved with is finally over, so all the responsibilities that I’ve been too busy to properly deal with have slammed back into my life full force.  It’s a little intense, and it probably explains why I am sick* for the second time since grad school started.

I’ve strongly considered dropping out of grad school.  I’m not interested in administration positions, which is really what the master’s degree would be geared towards.  It didn’t help my motivation when I discovered that a nature museum that I adore had an open position for an outreach educator.  With no master’s degree required.

I pushed the position into the back of my mind and continued to fight my way through statistics and coursework.  But after a conversation with a friend, I realized that it wouldn’t hurt to just apply for the job.  Subleasing my college apartment, moving back to Chicago, etc. were all “small potatoes”, as my friend put it, to my overall happiness.

So as I drank my tea between fits of coughing, I began prepping my résumé and started typing up a cover letter.  I double checked the website for all the correct information, and my heart sank.  The posting had been removed.  I closed the cover letter document without hitting save and sighed.

Moments later I received an email from a professor asking if I’d like to TA his course next semester.  A course that is fun and interesting.  A course I love.

This is no coincidence.

________________

*Ugh.  I’m super sick and I ran out of Kleenex.  The boy I went on a date with on Friday?  Today he brought Kleenex and chicken noodle soup over to my apartment.  Completely unprompted.  *dreamy sigh*

I don’t know how many times I’ve come to this blank box to write something and I’ve instead clicked the little red circle at the top left of the screen and sighed.

* * * *

I have a date this Friday.  A DATE.  With a boy.  Thank God, because I haven’t really gone on a date since I broke up with my ex back in January.  It is about damn time, is all I’m sayin’.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up about this boy… Oh, who am I kidding?  I am done for with this one.  He plays the guitar and he makes me laugh loud and hard.  His curiosity towards everything in life rivals that of a toddler or kitten.  We have the most sporadic conversations I’ve ever had (last night we talked about the scientific method, plant nematodes, and Darkwing Duck) but we also have really deep, thoughtful conversations.  He is a good guy.  He knows and loves Joe Purdy music almost as much as I do.  He’s tall and handsome and a practicing Catholic.  Which makes my heart swoon a little bit when I think about it.

You see?  I am done for.

Let’s hope I don’t make a complete buffoon of myself this Friday night.

Me: I want to buy a rake. And rake leaves on campus. Then jump in the piles. 
Friend: Would need to find a place where they don’t mow. Usually they go around with those big mowers and eat up all the leaves 
Me: I know. Hmmm… 
Friend: We could sabotage the mowers… 
Me: Yes. This plan is flawless. I love it. I don’t see anything going wrong. 
Friend: Yeah. Can’t really think of any problem… Unless the mower fleet is guarded by lawn gnomes 
Me: Oh, then we’re screwed. We wouldn’t stand a chance 
Friend: But lawn gnomes are afraid of squirrels. So if we could tame some squirrels…. 
Me: Tame the squirrels to scare off the lawn gnomes to defeat the lawn mowers. Again. Flawless. Nothing could go wrong. 
Friend: Yes. It’s pretty ingenious

I lost my camera for a week, and missed last Thursday’s update.  And then I forgot to take a picture of one of the trees.  So we’re off to a rocky, forgetful start, but that’s okay.

Here goes, week 3 after the jump.

The night I took this picture I was sitting next to a very good friend and feeling the best I had felt in a long, long time.

Right now I just feel like I’m lacking a nice full moon to light up my darkness.

Lame.

I’ve decided to follow 7 of my favorite trees on campus throughout the seasons.  Come join me.

Oh, really? You hate Mondays?

It’s expected.  Mondays are shit, and we all know it.  We go in to our first class or clock in at work, knowing that–dang it–the weekend is over.

But, oh my God, I hate Tuesdays.

With Mondays you can whine and complain.  It’s okay.  Go ahead, drink two cups of coffee in the morning.  We understand. Tuesday’s only saving grace is that Monday is over.  That moment is fleeting, because you soon realize you have four more days to go before freedom.  Assignments, deadlines are looming over you.  When you get home, you remember that you still have to do the laundry (You always say you’ll do it over the weekend. It never happens.) So you have to do that to avoid wearing that outfit tomorrow.  You know which one I’m talking about.  You’re probably stuck with Monday’s leftovers for dinner.  And to make matters worse, there is NOTHING good on TV.

It’s excruciating.

I woke up happy today.

Despite the statistics assignment that is still unfinished.

Regardless of the statistics exam that I have tomorrow at 7:30AM.

Forget the eleventy billion other things I have to accomplish before I go to sleep tonight.

I haven’t cried today.  I haven’t worried about the future.  I haven’t told myself that I’m a failure as a grad student.

I woke up happy today.

And I am clinging tightly to that.

My blog has been a little moody ever since grad school started.

Let’s lighten things up a bit.