Last week my former classmate sent me a text message; her former floral shop was looking for extra help for Valentine’s Day and she thought I’d be interested.  I was.

Two days after receiving her message I went to the florist and created two designs at the spur of the moment.  They were filled with spider mums, cheerful carnations, delphinium, bright liatrus, roses, and tulips.  I hadn’t designed a floral arrangement in so long–the last time I designed was my friend’s bridal bouquet in June.  And I hadn’t created a professional vase arrangement since I created a design for display at the president of the university’s house.  The pressure was nerve-wracking.  I fumbled with the scissors and I was over-thinking every action.  It was a mess, but I thought that the two designs that I had created were still really good.

I went home exhausted from the whirlwind of the interview.  It was refreshing to use my fingers and creativity, but I had been out of practice.  I wanted so badly to have just one week of roses and ribbon.  Lilies and fingers that smell like flowers even after being washed.  After all the research paper assignments and 30-page articles I needed this.

I didn’t get the job.

The boss called me the next day and said they decided they didn’t need to “use me” this week.  He told me that I should work on fine-tuning my design skills.  And that perhaps I could help out for Mother’s Day.

I was crushed.  I had never been told that my design skills were lacking.  It was a big blow to my creative confidence.

Sigh.

So I did the only thing that I knew would make me feel better.  I brought home a bundle of Peruvian lilies from the grocery store and made a big mug of hot chocolate.  I’ll finish my research proposals with these cheerful little flowers sitting on my desk and it will be okay.

Last weekend one of my very close friends came to campus.

I said, “Hey!  We should hang out!”

He replied, “Lovely, I’d like to take you out on a date.  A real date.”

Gulp.

We’d been friends for a while.  Over three years.  He makes me laugh loud and hard.  He has the patience to try to teach me how to play guitar (even though the whole time I’m just whining about how much it hurts my poor wittle fingers).  He’s silly.  He listens without interrupting.  He is tall and handsome, and I’ve probably told him a bazillionty times that any girl would be lucky to be his girlfriend.  His eyes light up whenever he gets really, really excited.  He’s a St Louis Cardinals fan (YESSSSss).  Most importantly?  He’s a really great friend.

But… a date.  With my friend.  Wouldn’t it be awkward?  Wouldn’t things just be a little weird?

Nope.  In fact, we had a great time.  I laughed.  A lot.  No, really.  A lot.  My cheeks hurt by the end of dinner.

The guy offered his arm while we walked, because he already knew that I swoon over things like that.

He took a big risk last weekend.  I know it took some serious courage to ask me–a girl he’s been friends with for so long–to go out on a date.  And it paid off.

So, hey… I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.  And he is fabulous, you guys.

And he really makes me feel special.

I don’t remember what movie we watched.  Or what we did before we started talking about life and feelings and boys.

But I do remember that you sat leaned up against the side of the chaise lounge from my first college apartment.  Your hair was down and you were wearing one of those sweatshirts that you always wore while you were running.  Or whenever, really.  You loved that sweatshirt.

I sat on the other couch.  My nose was wrinkled in frustration about a boy.  It was the first time that I had tried to care about a boy since my high school relationship flopped.  I was awkward about it, as always.

It was during that night that I spit out my confusion over this boy and why didn’t he like me back?

You sat there, calm and reflective.  You just let me talk and talk and talk until I became exasperated.

When I finally stopped talking, you simply said, “Lovely.  If the boy isn’t making you feel special, he isn’t worth your time.  Because, shoot, Lovely.  You are special.”

My jaw dropped.  I was flabbergasted.  It was so obvious, so incredibly, painfully obvious.

I have never forgotten that conversation.

And this boy now?  He doesn’t make me feel special.

So he’s just not worth my time.

My entire semester can be summed up in one syllabus:

Read this article, write a response paper.

Turn in a final research paper at the end of the semester.

I am a hands-on learner.  I learn by experimenting with new soilless media.  I learn by picking up microscopic nematodes with a special pick.  I learn by creating floral arrangements, drawing landscape designs, and noticing the backwards-facing prickles on the stem of the Fiveleaf Aralia.

How can I motivate myself to SIT DOWN* and read?  And read.  And read.  And then sit some more to write.  And write.  And write.

There has to be a way, otherwise I might not survive graduate school.

*And by sitting down, I especially mean not falling asleep.  It has happened every single time I’ve tried to finish my class readings.

My favorite quotation comes from the children’s author Roald Dahl.  It comes from his autobiography and it states,

“…Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

I use this quotation in my personal philosophy because it reminds me that there is an opportunity for knowledge, joy, passion, growth, and success—the magic Dahl hints at—in every day life.  Every day presents a new chance to learn and to grow as an individual, but I can also share this magic with others and to help others find the magic within themselves and within their life.

As an educator, I will observe the whole world around me with open eyes and an open heart.  What does our world need?  What do the students that I will be interacting with need?  I will analyze the needs of my surroundings and respond in a way that will improve the world that I’m interacting with.

How will I do this?  I will encourage students to find the magic within them.  I will enforce the fact that every person is unique, talented, and worthy of care and attention.  As an educator, I want to share my love of learning with my students in a safe and respectful environment.  I will use a variety of teaching methods to create a learning atmosphere that allows people to grow and mature as intellectuals, but also to grow physically, emotionally, and socially.

By keeping my mind and heart open to new ideas and different perspectives, I will be able to continue to flourish as an individual and as an educator.   I will always allow room for improvement, and I will keep myself open to change.  I will always keep my eyes open for magic.

***

This was my response for my Foundations in Agriculture and Extension Education course.  We had 30 minutes to create our philosophy.  I feel like it needs a lot of tweaking, but for 30 minutes I think I summed it up quite nicely.

Eleutherococcus sieboldianus - Fiveleaf Aralia

Today, in preparation for my next semester of grad school, I purchased a bookcase and a coffee maker.

While sorting through old notebooks and binders, I flipped open my studybook for my “Woody Plants of the Landscape” class.  This class was affectionately termed “woodies” by us horticulture students, but I felt that was a bit rough to explain to anyone other than a classmate.  As I studied, my away message was often, “Memorizing treeeeeeeeeees”.  That meant business.

I would sit in my big blue chair at the computer and this green notebook in my lap.  ”Flying” from the 2003 Peter Pan soundtrack would play on repeat over my headphones.  Only this song.  I couldn’t break my concentration. A pen nestled in my hand.  Earl Grey tea with Irish coffee creamer and one packet sugar sat on my desk.

First, I would look at the name of the tree on our course website.  I’d dissect the tree by identification characteristics.  Leaves.  Buds.  Stem.  Bark.  Flower color.  Fruit.  Flipping through multiple pictures.  Trying to soak it all in.

Identification quizzes were worth 200 points.  Twenty trees.  Ten points per tree.  Points off for spelling errors.  Our TA would drag us around campus–feeling as though we were being lead on some horrible path to our doom–until we suddenly stopped at a tree.

We had only a minute to write down the plant’s name.  Oh.  Oh, God.  Do I remember this plant?  Yes. Yes, I do.  It’s the Fiveleaf Aralia.  Okay. Okay.  And its Latin name?  How do I spell it? My mind was frantic.

But I knew how to spell it.  Because after dissecting each identification characteristic, I scribbled the Latin name of the plant over and over until I had written it ten times.  Or more, if I felt I hadn’t quite mastered it.

Eleutherococcus sieboldianus.  Fiveleaf Aralia.

Nailed it.

I have been following Color Me Katie for about a year.  If you haven’t been reading her blog, you really should.  She’s such an inspiration.  I’ve always been filled with such joy because of the colors she brings to the world.

Finally, I realized that I could bring color to my world, too.

That’s exactly what I did this weekend when I initiated Project:  Cheer.

This is my final installment of Project: Cheer for now.  I am thrilled with the results.

Getting ready to be crafty

Making a pretty little mess.

A preview...

Ta-da!

Part I: A Roommate

I decided to do a few things this year that would bring a little more cheer to my life here at grad school.  They are small steps that are already improving my mood greatly (except for that other night.  But let’s not talk about that).

Please, move the camera away. Oh, okay, fine.

Sleeping like this is sooo comfortable

Duke is my 7 year old tabby cat who has been with me ever since his mom decided our house would be a great place to have her litter.  Shortly after Duke and his siblings were born, Duke’s mom ran away and didn’t come back.  At the time, I was working at the local veterinary clinic.  Thank goodness.  We were supplied with plenty of kitten formula, and lacked a couple hours of sleep for a few weeks.  Of course, they were adorable little kittens, so we were okay with it.

Anyway.

I am really glad that Duke is here with me because he likes to curl up next to my feet when I’m sleeping and he provides me with plenty of giggles during the day.

Part II:  Brighten up

My apartment is fabulous, because we are allowed to paint the walls.  Twenty bucks for a gallon of paint and supplies meant that my options were endless.

Blank slate.

I found the perfect shade of happy sky blue, called “Isle of Capri” by Behr.  It was super easy to apply and didn’t give me a terrible headache while I was painting.  Fabulous.

After painting one wall, I decided I needed a few more bursts of color throughout the apartment.

I painted this section without moving the bed. Because I'm awesome.

Part III:  Coming soon…

I can’t wait to show you my next step in this project!

What’d you do this weekend?

I had one of those meltdowns tonight.

You know.

The type of meltdown that happens when somebody says something incredibly negative when you were hoping for something positive, and then you just allow it to engulf your entire being.  You know it’s ridiculous to allow it to do such a thing.  But it happens.  And there you are, crumpled up in a ball at the foot of your bed, bawling.  And your cat won’t even cuddle with you because, OMG WHAT ARE THOSE WEIRD SOUNDS COMING FROM MY HUMAN?! So you cry more because, hello, not even your cat wants to be next to you.  And your eyes hurt so much from crying and your stomach hurts because it just so happens that yesterday your friend encouraged you to run 3 miles in 30 minutes and every single muscle burns in a way you don’t ever remember muscles burning before.

And somewhere between the the pain and tears, you fall asleep.  Life calms down.  Then your friend calls to see if you want to hang out for a bit.  Of course you do.  You need to.  So you try to clear up your puffy, red eyes and put a smile back on your face.  And you convince yourself that you’re okay.  You’re okay.  Okay.

So you drive around with your friend, and he puts in a CD of a capella HEAVY METAL rock music.  Did you even know such a thing existed in the world?  No.  But you’re happy it does, because you catch yourself laughing.  Your cheeks hurt in a good way.  And even though your eyes are still tired from crying, you’re okay.  You’re okay.  Okay.

If you’ve followed me around the Internet for a while (or if you know me in real life) you may know by now that I don’t exactly follow “New Year’s Resolutions”.  Resolutions always seem like they are something to be forgotten by the end of January, and I just didn’t want to be one of those people who makes a resolution only to dump it a few weeks into the year.

Instead of creating resolutions, I’ve given myself themes that I try to remember every day as the year goes by.  In 2009, my theme was to (re)discover.  I began the year by ending a relationship, which was a rough thing for me to do.  I was unemployed, newly single, and not entirely sure what I wanted in life.  I had to rediscover what it took to have goals and to find my true happiness.  I had to rediscover me.  But I also found new friends, obtained not just one, but two jobs that really fulfilled my passion in life, and dug up the courage to go to grad school.  In 2009, I walked without a map through my Chicago neighborhood to find really great restaurants.  I would say that 2009 was one of the more fulfilling years I’ve had in a while.  So that gives 2010 a lot to live up to.

What will 2010 bring?  More.  More potential, more challenges, more experiences.  My theme for 2010 is “Do more“.  I don’t have class during the day on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this coming semester.  That’s a lot of free time to just bum around my apartment and watch TV online, right?  But I won’t let myself do that.  2010 is the year that I will volunteer more often, finish more projects, and try more new recipes.

The year has kicked off with a most excellent beginning.  I welcomed in the year with more love and laughter, as my close friend and I challenged ourselves to smile for five minutes straight (dude, try it.  It burns after about 2.5 minutes).  I watched my very good friend marry the love of her life, and danced with old and new friends.  I finished a game of Monopoly in its entirety for the first time ever with RachelSkirts and her lovely boyfriend.  I also ate way more pancakes than I really needed to (but winning the contest was totally worth it).  I learned how to knit and learned new recipes with my aunt when I traveled to Michigan by myself for the first time ever.  And I went a week without the Internet.  Whoa.

2010 is the year I will finally learn how to crack an egg with just one hand (Sabrina would be so proud).  It’s the year I’ll start a project that I’ve had going on in the back of my mind for over a year now.  In 2010, I’ll substitute teach on the days I don’t have class.  And if I don’t get called in to teach, then I’ll volunteer at the humane society.  2010:  It’s the year I’ll do more.

What will you do in 2010?