Last week my former classmate sent me a text message; her former floral shop was looking for extra help for Valentine’s Day and she thought I’d be interested. I was.
Two days after receiving her message I went to the florist and created two designs at the spur of the moment. They were filled with spider mums, cheerful carnations, delphinium, bright liatrus, roses, and tulips. I hadn’t designed a floral arrangement in so long–the last time I designed was my friend’s bridal bouquet in June. And I hadn’t created a professional vase arrangement since I created a design for display at the president of the university’s house. The pressure was nerve-wracking. I fumbled with the scissors and I was over-thinking every action. It was a mess, but I thought that the two designs that I had created were still really good.
I went home exhausted from the whirlwind of the interview. It was refreshing to use my fingers and creativity, but I had been out of practice. I wanted so badly to have just one week of roses and ribbon. Lilies and fingers that smell like flowers even after being washed. After all the research paper assignments and 30-page articles I needed this.
I didn’t get the job.
The boss called me the next day and said they decided they didn’t need to “use me” this week. He told me that I should work on fine-tuning my design skills. And that perhaps I could help out for Mother’s Day.
I was crushed. I had never been told that my design skills were lacking. It was a big blow to my creative confidence.
So I did the only thing that I knew would make me feel better. I brought home a bundle of Peruvian lilies from the grocery store and made a big mug of hot chocolate. I’ll finish my research proposals with these cheerful little flowers sitting on my desk and it will be okay.