Posted by: LovelyAnomaly | June 6, 2008

The Deep Heart’s Core

I was beginning to feel disheartened by my new “home”town.  This city has a much different lifestyle than what I am used to.  It costs money just to have a car in the village (and now I have a sticker on the lower right hand corner of my windshield to prove my residency).  Everything is twice as expensive as what an item would cost if I had bought it at the grocery store at home I feel like I stick out in every circumstance that I experience here.

When I come home from work, I walk two blocks from the parking lot to my apartment in my dirty jeans and garden Tshirt.  I know that I smell, and that my hair is a mess.  Soilless media covers my shoes, and it’s probably all over my face.  I walk past women walking into day spas or boutiques.  They’d probably have a heart attack if they saw all the dirt beneath my fingernails.  I’m okay with how I look, because I know that I accomplished something huge and productive that day.  But again, it makes me stick out from the rest of my neighbors.

I went grocery shopping this evening at the local market, and three people helped me check out.  It was the strangest experience I’ve ever had in a grocery store.  One man emptied my cart, another rang up my items, and the third placed things in my bags.  And then offered to take everything to my car.  When I declined his assistance, he stared at me with his deep brown eyes and looked at me as if I was absolutely mad.  A girl carrying her own groceries?  How absurd! In my hometown, the only reason we actually let someone take our groceries to our car is that we know the person and want to gossip with them as we walk to the car and place everything into the trunk.  So when I refused to let him/her carry my groceries, it obviously showed that I’m some sort of crazy woman living in this town.

My car is always parked by some ridiculous automobile.  Yesterday it was a Corvette, today a Mini Cooper.  My poor, 13-year-old Buick doesn’t fit in.  Just like I don’t fit in.

But tonight I had a picnic dinner on the beach with myself and the sunset.  And, honestly, I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  Watching the sun go down and listening to the waves crash onto the shore, I felt at peace.  I’m okay with where I live.  I’m content with what I have (and don’t have).  I am happy.  William Butler Yeats would be happy.

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.

 

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Responses

  1. My heart aches for you/with you. The only things I can say are: Hold on tight! It’s only been a week. You’ll find your place soon. And I’ll come visit as soon as I can and I’ll help you. 🙂 And until you find your place, you have the beach.

  2. It took me 6 months to fall in love w/ Rogers Park.


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