Posted by: LovelyAnomaly | October 21, 2008

Secret Agent Mission: Failed.

It should be no secret that I absolutely hate crowded grocery stores.  Even though I can paint a smile on my face and say, “Excuse me” without sounding rude, deep inside I am anxiously waiting for them to  Maneuvering grocery carts around the crowded dairy section is the equivalent to being stuck in traffic or watching the computer slowly download a .PDF file.  It’s exasperating.  

To curtail any frustration and avoid having high blood pressure when I’m 50, I try going grocery shopping at seemingly random times.  For me, this is pretty easy since I’m off work at 2:30 in the afternoon.  So when I pulled into the parking lot of the local Dominick’s this Tuesday and discovered it was two-thirds full–I panicked.  But I had no fruit or bread at home.  I was desperate for groceries.

Seriously, though.  I can’t help but wonder what all of these people do for a living such that they can also be at the grocery store at 3pm on a Tuesday.  Surely they don’t all work at CBG, so I know they didn’t follow me to the store.  They can’t ALL be retired or stay-at-home moms.

I grabbed my cart, clenched my teeth and slowly gathered all of my items.  It took much longer than normal because I decided to skip aisles since they were so crowded.  Because of this, it probably seemed like I was mindlessly wandering throughout the store.  Which must have caught the attention of a young, dorky looking guy sporting his thick-rimmed glasses and a hideous orange, black, and yellow sweater.  He made some small talk at first.  Then he complained about how expensive soup is.  He followed that up by trying to flatter me, “Well, you look smart enough that you’d be able to fix your own soup.  And I bet it’s really good.”  Uhhh.  Yeah, maybe.  Well I uh… oooh, cereal’s on sale, gotta go.  

If his secret mission was to tack my phone number at the bottom of his grocery list–he failed.



  1. The 2 reasons I always take Paul with me for the “big” grocery trips:
    1. I HAAAAATE the grocery store. He helps by pushing/maneuvering the cart and by making sure I don’t get too frustrated with the other customers.
    2. To ward off creep-os in orange, black, and yellow sweaters (they’re the worst kind of creep-o).

    I can loan him to you for your next grocery trip if you want. He likes to push the cart… 😉

  2. seriously? doesn’t the orange, black and yellow sweater have a job? what a loser. good thing he failed. 007 status, REJECTED!

  3. Little did you know, he was just the decoy. Pink, green, and white turtleneck managed to get your phone number, wordpress url, and favorite movie when you weren’t looking. They outsmarted you more than you could imagine.

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