Posted by: LovelyAnomaly | May 26, 2010

Something real

I stared at the blank page of the inside of his birthday card.

Unsure of what to write, I made some silly comment.  Because that’s what I do when I’m nervous to admit real emotions.  I giggle.  I tell terrible jokes that make Laffy Taffy one-liners look like pure comedy gold.  

It wasn’t enough, and I knew it.

So I wrote two more sentences:

You are my best friend.  I love you.

Maybe it’s because I just finished watching the first Sex and the City movie (in preparation for the sequel, duh), or  maybe it’s because I’m up past my “I have a job now” bedtime, but the pure emotion of those two words hit me in a way that I can only describe as “real”.  

As in, I really do love him.  And,okay… I realize that I’ve said this word in the past.  I’ve said it to other boys and I use that same word to describe my feelings for honey crisp apples.  But this time it’s real.  

It’s that goofy laugh at the other end of the telephone.  It’s the “staying up past my bedtime in hopes of talking to him on the phone before the end of the day”.  It’s the way he makes jokes with his mom, the way he cares about his dad, and how excited he is to start his graduate program.  It’s hearing him get excited about some Battlestar somethingsomething game or the way he described how the Iron Man suit looked in the second movie.  

And it’s probably the way that he enjoys buffalo chicken sandwiches just as much as I do. 

It’s like sunlight hitting a leaf after a stormy night.

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Responses

  1. Well, how about that.

    One thing I want to touch on: the part where you say it’s “real” this time. I submit it was just as real the other times, too. Simply it was immature, as were you. I mean, that’s why we have relationships with other people! To figure out all these emotions, to figure out what really clicks with you.

    The reality of it, I never question. It’s just a matter of course, that as you get older, as you get wiser, as you try it out more times, it becomes more solid, more reliable, more mature.

    Not more or less real, just better understood, expressed, more stable.

    Nice story, even if it did make me vomit a little in my mouth. 😉

    • I really like that you explain it as “more solid”. I hesitated calling it “real” because I knew that my past experiences weren’t “fake”.

      I don’t want to disregard those previous relationships, because at the time of those relationships, they really meant a lot to me. I think you really nailed the explanation of how we view relationships can change as we become more mature.

      Sorry for the nausea. 😉

  2. This makes me really happy for you. Its always amazing to feel that “real” feeling.

  3. I did not expect buffalo chicken to serve such a crucial role in explaining love in a relationship. 😀


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